So on Monday, it rained and rained all day in some sort of Armageddon fashion and there seemed nothing to do but light the fire and sit still. I had received the new Lena Dunham book in the post and read it cover-to-cover in 1.5 days. Haven't stopped thinking about it since and it's now Wednesday. Much of the (rather brilliant essay-style) content was familiar to me as I have watched every episode of 'Girls' there is, but I found being inside Lena Dunham's head startlingly similar to being inside my own. Hah. Of course she is a literary genius and a modern cultural phenomenon and there are hardly any similarities between us, but nevertheless the impulse that drives her to write and share felt very known to me. She is riddled with anxieties and the dexterity of thought she is capable of is dizzying (but familiar). An over-active imagination is a scary thing.
I also got the book 'Women in Clothes' which I surmised, just a few pages in, that I was going to LOVE. It's like a fat volume of every interesting female you have ever read/talked to but much more than that; the premise is to get inside why women wear what they wear. What goes on in their heads? Why do certain clothes hold meaning? To me this is of deep interest. I am so intrigued I can barely put it down, despite the fact that the book itself (paperback version) weighs a ton. Love books.
Meanwhile, the weather has continued in the same vein: rain and grey. I walked the pup this morning near a stately home close to here, which you approach across rolling green fields, edged with woodland. It's Jane Austen-esque and grand and it made me want to take a picture for any American folk on Instagram who like the idea of English-ness. In the drizzle.
Thank you for your lovely comments to my last post. It's a rocky road it seems and I am working through why this pain revisits me even when I think it has long-gone. Yesterday was good; today less so. However I am trying all the tricks to get it under control.
It's cold and due to re plumbing complexities with the house build, I can't turn on the heating. Everything feels slightly damp. This leads me to scour the web for chunky knitwear and face the fact that for the next six months I shall be buried under a layer of winter wardrobe; jeans. boots, wool, coat! No matter how much I try to think I can style it to pacify my sartorial side, I know I will look like every other school mum ever.
I have taken to going to sleep with wet hair. Throughout my entire adult life I have been a morning hair-washer. I am now in a phase of anti-styling. This is cathartic for me. The result? Long, wavy, messy hair. I am not sure how I feel about it. So much easier, so messy. My current view is that I don't care but there is every chance that my contemporaries are regarding me with curiosity as I look like I haven't brushed my hair for weeks. Which I haven't, really.
I read this post and loved it like I loved the books detailed above. I am now thinking about those people on the bus and wondering what they are doing in their lives? And whether I should take to wearing red lipstick (to disguise the messy hair?)
Thank goodness for this space where I can download my daily view. I know sometimes it is sporadic and random and I veer from existential musing to whether I need to buy another grey jumper or not, but nevertheless it is a precious place to me. Happy midweek :-)
