Readers may recall that for the longest time I suffered from jaw and tooth pain that went largely unexplained and was the source of so much frustration and sadness in me that I could hardly write about it. Partly because really, who wants to know? And also it seemed that the more I concentrated on it, the worse it got. There were times when I despaired it would ever be solved despite what seemed like so many sensible efforts to fix the problem. No matter how much medical input I sought and how many specialists I consulted, not one was able to offer a definitive answer. And all that time, well over three years, I was in pain every day.
I am almost reluctant now to say it's completely gone away as a part of me wonders whether I will jinx it and it will return. But what I can say is this: the pain is significantly less and I can manage it day to day in way that gives me freedom from it. The answer was...wait, this is profound...within me! Who knew?!
I hear so many people refer to their physical wellness (or lack of it) and I have become an advocate for the kind of healing methods that a while back I would have thought were futile. I did not believe that anything I did would influence matters and when I think back, I can hardly fathom quite how short-sighted I was! I had spent the best part of ten years in a state of physical tension; muscles tensed, brain working overtime, not enough relaxation, poor sleep, regular illnesses. But if you'd have asked me I would have said I was perfectly healthy. It was not until my body was literally screaming out with chronic pain that it dawned on me that I had to change. And even then it took years for me to instigate the changes that were so obvious.
The thing that made the biggest difference was learning 'The Alexander Technique'. It's hard to explain what it is but what I can explain is how it worked for me. My teacher was the sole practitioner I had seen who confirmed that I could be pain-free, but that I would have to 'own' my recovery and work towards that goal. There was no quick cure. I thought I could be done in six sessions and here I am eighteen months later still learning. My problems were so deeply entrenched that undoing them has been hard, but it's also been a real education about my wellness and I suspect that the skills I have learnt will save me ever getting into the same physical state again.
Now, about a hundred times a day I recheck my posture. I let my shoulders drop, my pelvis shift back to the right place, my knees unclench. It sounds insane as I would never have thought these areas were doing anything other than existing. But once I understood how to revert them to the place they are meant to be in, everything changed. But more than that; the calmness that descended on me for being able to give myself comfort from the pain was amazing. There was never anything wrong with my jaw or my teeth, but the position of all of the other muscles in my body were clenching everything up and into spasm. I will never again underestimate the power of posture and alignment!
The other thing that worked was yoga. I honestly think that yoga could be the answer to so many ailments and issues we suffer from. I so didn't get yoga. I misunderstood what it was about and honestly, even now I am hardly touching the surface of how much good it can do. I started doing a yoga app on my iphone and that got me going, giving me the confidence and knowledge of the poses and of my own limitations so I felt able to start attending classes. Now I see a yoga teacher and I can say categorically that it's changed my world! The fitness and tone is one thing, the mental focus is another, the flexibility and then the calmness.
The other things that made the difference: quitting my (stressful) job, getting a dog, walking every day outside no matter what the weather, baths, baths and more baths. Good sleep, less caffeine, less sugar. Taking time, writing. Cups of earl grey tea (always).
What I have learned is that health is not just the absence of illness, it's a whole other enormous thing about how I felt in myself. It's not perfect and some days I slip up, but at least now I know how to get back. This is good :-) happy weekend.
