I keep sitting down to write and then find that few words flow. Maybe I have become self conscious of my thoughts? Or maybe I feel I have put enough of them down here and instead want to write about fashion and frippery. Or maybe I just have nothing to say?! No, surely not...
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| via crush cul de sac |
I am having a quieter time now, the reality of not working for a bit is sinking in. What an enabler it is to have my days free. To be able to plan and consider what to do as the week stretches out. Days peppered with seeing friends and restorative appointments like the massage I had this morning. Whilst I know this self-enforced stillness is a necessity at the moment; there is a distinct need, it doesn't stop the guilts arising in me. With years of history, guilt and I are familiar bedfellows. However not one person has said to me that I am doing the wrong thing; in fact the opposite, it is all right and all good.
Meanwhile this Tuesday, my view is: how fortunate am I to be able to take this time out? It is a gift...
In my hometown, where we live, I drive the same roads I used to walk and cycle as a child, and I wonder whether my reaction to change is influenced by the fact that I still live where I grew up. I only left for University and even then made the regular pilgrimage home to see my boy next door (later to be husband). I am used to the same. So I am trying to retrain my brain to embrace change, to see the opportunity in it. To identify that when things are in one groove, sometimes a new groove needs to be furrowed to get benefit.
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| Mila Kunis via sun 0f a gun |
The best part is that directly following this time of stillness is our family holiday, where 'holiday rules' apply and we are in our happiest place. I feel like the idea of that time is a salve; a balm, a tonic - in short a remedy. It might be a short-term fix but nevertheless...ocean and sand and sun is perfect for me.
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| via crush cul de sac via with style and substance |
